While carving up a roast chicken the other night I called Luke over to break the wishbone with me. A little pulling then “snap” the bone broke and lo and behold I had actually won. I then had to confess to Luke that I didn’t even bother making a wish because I didn’t think I would win… now that’s extreme pessimism!
Recently my husband completed some course that now makes him a qualified Workplace Occupational Health & Safety Officer, good for him… another qualification. However I have now discovered the downside to living with an OH&S freak, they are constantly seeing the danger in every situation. Just last night we were watching TV and Luke said “oh that’s not safe, according to (blah blah blah) you should only ever go past the third rung on the ladder.” He will quote legislation about every little violation he sees, whether it’s in a real life situation or in the land of TV. On the up side I guess he does have interesting stories about unfortunate deaths in the workplace… morbid I know but what can I say… I’m a big fan of The Darwin Awards.
In the playground after school a few of us mothers were chatting while our kids played in the playground. Then one of the boys came crying to his mum saying the girls weren’t being nice to him. His mother told him to go back and play and as he was walking back to the flying fox she said, “grow some balls son.”
Today my three year nephew went to the toilet then asked me help him put his shorts back on. I asked him where his undies were and he just looked at me as if I were an idiot and said “I’m freeballing.”
Luke was on the computer the other day (yes he managed to get me off it) and when I walked into the room he said “this one goes out to you nugget”. He then played the song ‘You’re as cold as ice” by Foreigner. I’m sure that’s a joke he stole from Kath & Kim but considering I have ice running through my veins instead of blood I’ll take that as a compliment. Love you too Luke!
After school my girls like to play for a little while in the playground and I don’t mind because I chat with the other mums and dads. Sometimes the kids don’t want to leave but I just tell them it’s time to go and I walk away, they soon follow. The other day I saw another technique in action as a mother stood a little bit away from the playground and whistled. Two or three whistles later all four of her children were running towards her from different directions. My dog doesn’t even respond to a whistle but these kids were well trained… it was quite a sight!
I have no musical talent what so ever! I have no rhythm and most definitely no coordination so it’s probably a good thing I also have no interest in learning an instrument. My oldest daughter however does and she is forever singing and demonstrating her skills by playing the air viola for me. She is learning the viola at school but at home I’m afraid it’s air instruments only. This morning however Claire expressed her musical skills in a most unexpected way. Luke and I heard the toilet flush and then the spray of air freshener, then it started. Deep Purple’s “Smoke on the water” could be heard as clear as a bell… all played on toilet spray!
My seven year old just loves the school choir, she sings all the time. Sometimes I feel as if I’m in a musical because Claire will often sing her answer to me when I ask her a question. Then that triggers off my five year old to sing her conversational chit chat and before you know it everyone has broken out in song. Mind you Claire is the only one who can actually hold a tune so I sometimes wonder what the neighbours think about our little musicals. The other day Claire was heading into musical mode by repeating what my husband was saying, however she was singing it in a very melodramatic fashion. She then said “I’m going to sing Oprah for you daddy.” I couldn’t help but laugh at that, I then informed her that the word she was after was opera not Oprah!
Ken the handyman came around to finally finish the job he started three months ago. It was a quick and nasty patch up job just like all the other little jobs the real estate have had him do in this house. While I watched him paint over mould in our toilet be bent down… my eyes!!! Kens hairy fat arse crack was staring at me. I’m not talking a little bit of crack here I’m talking half his arse was hanging out! I really wish I hadn’t seen that, it made talking to him afterwards very difficult indeed. As he was talking to me my minds eye was picturing that unflattering image… Ken’s crack.
Have you ever sent your husband out to get milk but he comes back with milk plus this and that and some other thing you don’t need? Well today I sent my husband out to buy a new cd/tape player that was on sale at The Warehouse but instead he came home with a new computer from Hervey Norman. I think from now on I’ll go to the shops when we need something.
